apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
