the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
