well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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