Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
