I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
