I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
