They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
