Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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