Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
