i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
