I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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