she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
