im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
