Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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