You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
