Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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