What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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