I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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