you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
