If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
