I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
