Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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