you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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