Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
