And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
