He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
