the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
