I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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