Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
