Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
