it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
