It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
