Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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