It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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