I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
