I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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