its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
