and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
