I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
