i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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