he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
