So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
