You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
