I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
