So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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