In the future we'll all be gay
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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