Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
