It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
