I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
