what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
