New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
