The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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