you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
