OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
