dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
